they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
