I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
