idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
