garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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