my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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