I'm going to jail i love you
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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