Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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