And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
