Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
