I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
