The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
