Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
