cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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