So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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