yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
