Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
