If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
