I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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