I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
