Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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