He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Found the puke drawer
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
