I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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