So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
