the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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