Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I party with great urgency now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
