...so i touched it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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