How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
