She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
