I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
