I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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