That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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