Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
