I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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