If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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