well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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