Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
