You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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