wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
