You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
