i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
