That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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