Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
