i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
