i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
