I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
