Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
