when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
