I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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