idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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