Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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