Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
