Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
