Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
