so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
